When You Bump Into Demons In the Valley of the Shadow

So here I am in the Valley of the Shadow, I know that all I need to do is reach out into the darkness to touch Your hand. But I must admit, my heart is still pounding in my ribcage and I'm afraid it's going to burst. Do I trust You? Sure. I do. The light on the horizon is filtered and dirty and more gray than sunshine-yellow. But I keep pressing toward it, because there is no alternative and I am choosing to live by Your word that You would go with me. And I need You more than ever now because the darkness is scaring my kids, disturbing my wife, and testing the faith of everyone who loves and cares about me... and even some people who can't even stand me. It's day by day, moment by moment, squeezing your hand until my hand hurts. I don't know when this valley will end. I do not even know for sure that I will survive all this. But I do know I will follow You all the way to the devil's doorstep and I will never look back. I just hope there is a happy ending someday on this side of the River. Until then I'm here with you, walking through the Valley of the Shadow... bumping into the most hideous demons I have ever faced... trusting You. I trust You.

To Live Another Day

My current situation is not just. I don't care how objective you may be, there are good guys and there are bad guys in this one. And for right now, the bad guys appear to be winning. I will likely never forget as I trust God to help me forgive. But for now the barbarians are setting the terms... the walls around my castle are now crumbled around my feet... and so it's now a matter of dealing with reality and living out what it means to be faithful when I'm pretty sure no squadron of angels is at the ready to make everything right. I swallow my pride and just make the turn-on-a-dime move from half a lifetime of ministry to one of punching a clock. Everything in me is screaming, "This is baloney!" But then there's another voice that whispers, "But what does God want?" And I wonder if God has not taken people's perverted sense of leadership and used it for His own purposes to violently shift my life toward something else He wants me to do... something I cannot even perceive or imagine right now. God will take care of justice... He will see me through... I do trust Him. I think it is human to look for some skulls to crack, but I submit that to His Lordship. I will do what it takes for my family and me to survive... to get through... so that we might live another day... just hoping and praying that in all of this there is a happy ending before heaven.