Whenever I'm near you, I am attracted and repulsed at the same time. Your beauty makes me want to know you more, to fall deeper into You. But the way you look back at me, the way you seem to peer right through every layer of my carefully constructed facade to the darkness within me. You see my sin. You see the fallenness that so terribly sullies the image of God in me. I am so dirty I really cannot understand why you would have any time for me. I'd say it was your goodness makes my evil stand out, but we both know I really was that worthy of hell.
I know that you love me, and that you mean to white out every shadow in my soul. And I know you have already changed my life in ways noone else ever could. But then the flashlight of your gaze burns through my pupils and I am forced to admit I am nothing resembling holy at all. I think I have come far, but it seems that you are never satisfied. You probe deeper and deeper and draw me closer and closer and it is painful each and every time you do.
So I can see my own darkness. It is my own. And it is revealed in my own deep-down reaction to the direction you are leading me. So I am asking you please... lead me through all the way to you. If it stings, so be it. Just lead me. Because I cannot do it. You can. You are light. I am darkness. And any good in me? It's all you. And I would rather be in agony and near you... than comfortable in the darkness.
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